Where did the time go?

Today was the first day of school.   I was am unprepared.   Why did someone not tell me what this day would be like?   I feel as if part of me is missing.    I wonder what they are doing right now (oh, and every few minutes).   I am sad at all the things I am missing.    

They have been at home, with me for five years.  Some days were great, others, not so much.   The time went so quickly.   The sleepless nights of infancy turned into the busy days chasing, playing, and disciplining toddlers who like to beat each other up.   Soon they were big borthers, helping with the baby and then morphed into days filled with drawings of dinosaurs, fantastic lego creations and stories of working at the building site of “This Old House”.   

Instead of our days and weeks revolving around storytimes and playdates, instead, it will be school projects and vacations.   After watching, hearing, and being there for five years, there are things I will not see, here, or be there for.   It makes me sad.   I was not ready for this day.   Oh, I joked that I was…”When do these kids go to school?”   Apparently, that is just what a stay at home mother says when she has three children.  I didn’t mean it.     

Transition means change.  They are growing up, changing into the men they will be.  I know this in my head, but my heart is having a hard time with it.   My heart and head have never agreed about this change stuff.  There were always times when the boys could do something before I was ready to let them. 

 They were ready for school today.   We left with our hug, kiss, and a wave goodbye.  No tears, angry looks or sad faces.   Again it seems, I am hurrying to catch up.       

Happy first day of school Sunshines!